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Study: Fainting at Obama Rallies Caused by Intense Fear

WASHINGTON, DC, July 18 - There have been many reports in the past year of supporters fainting at Barack Obama rallies. The press proclaims "dehydration," or "hot sun" and "long waits." Evidence of course, that their candidate is a "rock star."

But with the number of down-for-the-count faithful going parabolic, serious questions are being asked. Now fainters are rushed out almost before they slap concrete. And you won't read a word about an entire row falling like dominoes.

Now, a new study, Central Ischaemic Response and The Politics of Hope, reveals an unexpected explanation for the Obama fainting: Intense fear.

After hundreds of interviews, researchers found that a majority of the "fainter" group of eyewitnesses reported being well rested, adequately hydrated, and relaxed. The common factor was that they claim to have seen the face of Jimmy Carter appear on Barack Obama.

Oddly, even eyewitnesses born after 1980 -- who would have no obvious reason to experience visceral fear at the sight of President Carter -- reported experiencing this phenomenon.

Experts caution that they don't yet have a workable theory, but suggest that when the human mind swings from ecstatic hope to crushing despair in less than a second, there might be some sort of 'mental whiplash' effect.

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"Mid-speech, Jimmy Carter's features suddenly appeared on Barack. I freaked out. When I regained consciousness, they offered me bottled water. But I was all, like, “What do I need water for? Didn’t you see what just happened?”

- Name withheld

by request

"Experts caution that they don’t yet have a workable theory, but suggest that when the human mind swings from ecstatic hope to crushing despair in less than a second, there might be some sort of ‘mental whiplash’ effect."